Just thinking...

Doors close, new ones open. Opportunities present themselves in unexpected ways. We lose, we gain. We continually grow and learn. We move forward. Each step being orchestrated, each event preplanned.

The other day I had lunch with a good friend. We were talking about the future. I was thinking about something that my cousin said the day of Dans memorial. She said, "Shelly, you are still young. You have the possibility of falling in love again and being married for 50 plus years." Wow, that sounds crazy. It was a little weird to hear but she's right, I could. Since then, I've hung on to her words with hope and wonder. Obviously, I'm no where near even ready to date, let alone get married. But truth be told, I do get lonely. Some days, I want nothing more than for two strong arms to be wrapped around me. To feel safe, secure and loved by someone other than my sweet children.

This particular day, I was really missing Dan and as my friend and I talked, I mentioned what my cousin said. "One day I could remarry". She shook her head agreeing and spoke from her heart. She said (not in these exact words), "Your life is going to be amazing. Possibly, even better than you've ever imagined. It's going to be completely different than it was. The man you marry is going to be pretty special. He has to be to love you and take you for who you are, to love you for where you've been, what you've been through and for what you have, your story and to love your kids as his own". WOW. I think I had to pick my bottom lip up off the floor for that one. I couldn't even begin to say it as heartfelt as she did but in that moment, she and I both knew the words didn't come from her. She couldn't repeat them even if she had tried. But the enormity of those words she spoke, they were so full of hope. HOPE! And they are now embedded in my heart. Can you imagine finding a man like that twice in a lifetime? Seems almost unbelievable and yet, there is still hope.

Yesterday, another friend and I had coffee. He's been divorced for a while but it was rough for him in the beginning. Not at the amplitude of the loss that I have suffered but a divorce, in a sense is still a great loss. It hit me as he was talking about his ex wife and why they didn't "work out". I realized in that moment that we had both learned from our marriages. Lessons that will be tremendous in making a future marriage's greatness. And how awesome is that? Having that ability?

These things, seemingly meaningless moments, words and visions are HUGE in my life. I can take them all and learn. They help me now in growing and moving forward. Even though, I can't see tomorrow when I look down my path, I can see yesterday and where I've been. I can use all those moments to remind myself that life is too short to be wasted on sadness and pain. To stay true to myself, always. I do not know if in fact, I will ever remarry. I don't even know when I'll date. But I do know that if I am blessed enough to have a second chance at loving someone, God will place him in my life and he will be exactly the man I need.